


Far Harbor

by Julia_Danse



Series: The Knight and the Paladin - A series of Oneshots [25]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Brotherhood of Steel - Freeform, Darkness, Emotions, F/M, Far Harbor, Feelings, Fog, Mirelurks, Nuka World (mentioning), Police Station Cambridge, Radstorms, Trappers, children of atom, moral, radiation, supermutants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22923856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julia_Danse/pseuds/Julia_Danse
Summary: Kathryn went on a solo mission which collided with her morals.What will the fate of Far Harbor be?
Relationships: Paladin Danse/Female Sole Survivor
Series: The Knight and the Paladin - A series of Oneshots [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1381480
Comments: 8
Kudos: 2





	Far Harbor

**Author's Note:**

> Well now that's a bummer. Honestly, in the end I didn't know what to write. So if it's shit, it's okay. If not, also okay.

Drinking from the highly irradiated water of the _Sacred Spring_ wasn’t her best idea. Kathryn did it to gain access to the Nucleus, the home of the Children of Atom on the island of Far Harbor. The guard outside the irradiated place, a man called Grand Zealot Richter, told her that she could only gain access by joining the cult. Kathryn had to drink from the spring and bring back the _Mother Icon_ to show that she was worthy. He also showed her the coordinates to the spring on her Pip Boy and she went on her way. A shudder spread through her body as she took a sip of the water, leaving a burning sensation in her mouth as she coughed. A dizziness overcame her and suddenly fog crawled over the ground, covering her surroundings in thick waves of irradiated air. A shadowy in smoke covered figure appeared in front of her, telling Kathryn to follow it. First, her feet moved slowly but soon began to move on their own and she ran after the dark figure. Glowing creatures crossed her path but none of them attacked her. After following the smokey figure for a while they came to a shrine guarded by a horde of feral ghouls that attacked her.  
 _Steel be with me, why am I even doing this? What a freaking hallucination is this?_ Kathryn thought while decimating the ghouls one after another. She only carried a knife with her at that time, but a very effective one called _Disciples Cutlass_ she brought home from Nuka World. She moved fast and just in minutes the ghouls were nothing more than rotting corpses on the ground. She took a breath and looked around. The _Mother Icon_ was trapped in a cage with a maglock door. The terminal was right next to it, secured with a password. Kathryn looked around and found a note on a shelf and read it. The note said that the password was hidden at a locker near a periodic table. Kathryn smiled to herself when she found it, typed it in the terminal (how fitting it even was: MoThEr), and then the door finally opened with a hiss. She stepped inside and grabbed the wooden figure, put it in her bag, and began her way back to the Nucleus. After hours of walking in the irradiated fog, Kathryn finally felt the symptoms of radiation sickness. She already coughed blood and was sweating when she finally stood in front of the grand zealot. Her strength left her while she showed him the figure and collapsed in front of his feet, falling into unconsciousness.  
  
Kathryn woke up with a start, she sat up and blinked her eyes rapidly. “Easy sister, you’re safe now.”, a female voice spoke. “You were suffering from radiation sickness and were knocked out for four days. But with a good dose of Rad Away and _Ware’s Brew,_ you’re just fine again.” That explained the pain in her arm and she finally discovered a needle sticking inside her skin. Then she looked into the smiling face of the woman who was talking to her. “My name is Sister Mai, how’s your name?”, Mai asked. Kathryn kept looking at the woman before she finally answered. “Kathryn, huh? It’s a nice name.”, Mai then said. “You were talking in your sleep. Something about dancing, I guess? You repeated it often. You said things like _‘Where is dance?’_ or _‘I miss dance.’_ ” Kathryn chuckled a bit and she stared at her lap. “Seems like I wasn’t talking about dancing...” She sighed. “I was talking about someone. His name is Danse, with an s instead of a c in his name. He’s my friend and I miss him.” “Oh... why didn’t you bring him with you?”, Mai then asked. “Because this is something I needed to do on my own. And Danse, well... he’s bigoted as you would say.” Kathryn’s hand moved to her holotags while she said that. A frown edged into her forehead as she stared in silence. “He’s Brotherhood?”, Mai then asked. “Yes. A paladin and my mentor.” Mai inhaled a sharp breath, her friendly face turning in one of disgust. “So you’re Brotherhood too.” Kathryn took a deep breath. “Yes, I am.” “Then tell me, what are you doing here? Why become a Child of Atom?” _Yes, why?_  
  
Kathryn took her time to answer. Did she really want to tell Mai that she was sent to destroy the Nucleus? Could she coat the truth in a sweet lie that even she might believe?  
Before she even reached the Nucleus the people of Far Harbor went on her because she was a ‘Mainlander’ and not a ‘Harborwoman’... Kathryn even got involved with a synth that called itself DiMA. It looked nothing like the typical Gen 1’s or Gen 2’s with all the wires and bulbs attached to its body. The synth asked Kathryn for her help. Why she agreed to help it went out of her mind. But helping the synth led her to the Nucleus and she needed to find the synth’s memories.  
“I am on a journey you know. To find myself again. To remember who I am, what I am. I want to become a better human. And I want to understand others and their beliefs better. And I hope that maybe a future war can be prevented.” Now that was something Kathryn really could believe. Well, it wasn’t even that far from the truth. She needed DiMA's memories for it. “That’s noble.”, Mai said and brought Kathryn back out of her thoughts. “Thank you, Mai.” That was when Mai finally left Kathryn to her thoughts in planning how she might get DiMA's memories. She laid back in her bunk bed and sighed again before she fell in a dreamless sleep.  
  
___  
  
Another two days had passed before Kathryn felt strong enough to roam the homestead of the Children of Atom. The first thing she discovered was the U-Boat. Underneath the vessel was a lake filled with irradiated water and even some barrels full of atomic waste. On top of the U-Boat were wooden paths that connected several shacks, lighted by bottles filled with a yellow and green glowing substance, which gave Kathryn’s surroundings a surreal image. The Geiger counter on her Pip Boy told Kathryn that there was constant but mild radiation around her. She went to visit Sister Mai at her little store. While on her way there she was greeted by every person she came by. It was weird at first because she found the Children of Atom disgusting. The Brotherhood had taught her not to trust them and their zealot like beliefs in mortal radiation. But somehow she also found comfort in those strangers. They all were friendly to her, even High Confessor Tektus took the time to talk to her. He talked about the people of Far Harbor and an upcoming war between them. Kathryn then knew she had to hurry to find the synth’s memories. She bowed her head to the high confessor and walked on. Armed with her knife she found her way to the command center guarded by another zealot. Getting access wasn’t a big problem for Kathryn, but the assaultron she found after walking through that huge tunnel was. She had quick reflexes, yes, but that damn bot almost got her killed. She ducked at the last moment as the assaultron spat it’s laser at her and then with a swift move, Kathryn plunged her blade into the robot’s face and sliced it open. Electric sparks flew across the floor when the robot hit the pavement. When she finally came into a room with a terminal Kathryn was greeted by turrets. Luckily she had found a pistol before entering the area and now used it to take down the turrets. Another assaultron appeared as well and Kathryn shot one of its legs before it was able to fire its laser. The rest was easy after the robot laid on the floor and with a huff, she finally sat down in front of the terminal. Using the holotape Faraday had given her Kathryn accessed the terminal and with that DiMA's memories. It was a strange experience for her working as a string of data in memories that were secured by firewalls. She had to connect paths to help the “data bugs” gain the memories. After what felt like hours she had completed her task and went back into the Nucleus.  
  
After she arrived at her bunk Kathryn collected her belongings and then went to Sister Mai to grab some ammo for her newfound pistol. _Better safe than sorry_ Kathryn thought while checking the weapon’s condition. It was decent and gave her a little more security on the dark island. Half an hour after she left the Children of Atom she finally found a safe place to sit down and listen to the memories of DiMA a second time. Kathryn found out about a nuclear launch key to destroy the U-Boat and its whereabouts. The location was called _Fringe Cove Docks_ and was south-west from the Nucleus. But Kathryn first had to go to the _Harbor Grand Hotel_ where a safe combination was placed and set the marker on her map and moved on. Another rad-storm brewed up and covered the island in green fog; yellow lightning strikes followed by roaring thunder accompanied her on her silent journey. Nate once told her how to use the Pip Boy’s radio, but she felt safer without listening to Travis’s stuttering; she was harder to discover and the thunder gave her another source of staying undetected from evil eyes and ears. Leaving the _Ruined Radio Tower_ behind Kathryn jogged east. Super mutants and their hounds were roaming around the hotel and she knew getting in without being noticed by any of the green skins was practically impossible, but she tried anyway. And finally, after what felt like an eternity of crouching, Kathryn managed to get the coordinates to the exact whereabouts of the launch key. She knew from before where she had to search, but until now she didn’t know that she had to dive to get that damn thing. She left the hotel silently and moved on, back into the west direction. After another hour of uneventfulness, she arrived at the _Vim! Pop Factory_ which was also crawling with super mutants. At least the storm was still going and she came past the factory without being noticed. Not even the mutated dogs got her scent in the thick fog and kept staying at the sides of their masters.  
  
The next location Kathryn arrived at was the _Northwood Ridge Quarry,_ a place crawling with trappers and mirelurks. She silently killed one trapper after the other while other trappers fought against the mirelurks down in the quarry. A sudden earth shuddering scream interrupted Kathryn’s killing spree and she discovered a mirelurk queen down below her. “Oh shit!”, she cried out while grabbing the next harpoon gun from a dead trapper. The remaining men down in the quarry screamed and opened fire against every moving creature. The mirelurk queen spat her acidic saliva, mirelurks and their hatchlings attacked the men from all sides. It was at that moment as Kathryn noticed a platform with a red button. She sprinted to it and pressed the button in hope it would help her against the menace below her. The earth began to shake when explosion after explosion hit the ground; more screams rang trough the explosions and Kathryn could hear the screeching of the crab-like critters. She hit the button a second time and another wave of explosions shook the ground, but the queen was still standing and to Kathryn’s horror finally noticed her. She pressed the button a third time, more explosions... and finally with a deafening roar the queen went down _after_ it spat a load of acid into Kathryn’s direction. She ducked but still got hit on her left arm, hissing as the acid burned into her clothes and skin. Another shutter of the ground told her that the queen was dead, and silence befell the quarry. Only the light rustling of the water could still be heard, everything else fell into silence. The burning of her arm kept Kathryn from falling into her thoughts and she went on a search for purified water, which she found rather fast. She sighed as the cool liquid touched her burned skin and she then injected herself with a stimpak. While leaving the quarry Kathryn looted a few of the trappers and was able to collect a nice amount of harpoons for the harpoon gun she now carried.  
  
Her way lead her west to the _Fringe Cove Docks_ , her final destination in her search for the nuclear launch key. By the time she arrived, it was in the middle of the night, exhaustion already creeping into her bones. Gladly she found an abandoned sleeping bag in one of the barns where she plopped down. It had been hours since she last had something to eat and her stomach rumbled loudly at her. Kathryn ate a bit and then went to sleep for a while. The barn was secured and it was quiet. After a solid eight hours of sleep, she woke up rested and stretched her body. It was time to find the key and she went on to search every barn on the dock. Kathryn stumbled upon a steamer trunk where she found the key to the barn in the middle. Smiling she walked over and opened the door. Floor by floor was searched but she didn’t find another key, only another trunk with ammo and the occasional pipe pistol. As she walked back to the stairs the floor collapsed in the middle of the room, the other floor beneath breaking as well, wood falling with loud splashing into the water, and then a screech was audible. Kathryn carefully made her way down just to discover that a mirelurk was lying beneath the wooden boards that just came down. But still no key in sight, Kathryn sighed as she finally began to understand that she had to dive into the water. _Hope I won’t get sick again..._ she thought and sighed again. It was rather warm for a place that was always dark, Kathryn thought that must be the radiation in the fog. It must have been the sleep that made her almost forget that she needed to get into the water. Grumbling she walked down into the water, taking the deepest breath she could muster and dive down into to unknown. The water was rather murky and she had her problems with seeing underwater but she was able to make out a boat that had sunken into the ground. Kathryn tried as best to swim upwards as straight as possible, took another deep breath, and went back down. And then she finally found a trunk inside of the boat, locked but she had a key. If she wouldn’t have been underwater she was sure she would have let out a shout of joy while raising a fist into the air. Danse would roll his eyes but also laugh with her.  
  
Her return to the Nucleus was clouded in grim thoughts. She thought about to at least save Mai; she liked that woman enough to do that. But Kathryn reminded herself that it was better if _ALL_ of the Children of Atom would die. She shook her head and her mood got even sourer. What would she tell DiMA if he found out? Would he be hostile against her? Would she even be able to set foot onto the grounds of Acadia again? Kathryn shook her head and moved on. As she came nearer Richter had a smile on his face. “Welcome back, Sister.”, he greeted her. Kathryn only gifted him with an exhausted smile before she stepped inside the former _Desert Island Naval Facility_ where her way led her straight to the Vessel, post-war better known as the _USS Democracy,_ where the launch key would come into use. She made her way to the Captain’s Quarters, a throne stood in the middle of the small room. Kathryn knew that the High Confessor took it as his room. Behind the throne was a terminal. _Smooth._ Kathryn thought while approaching the green blinking screen. No one was around when she entered the launch key, but hell sure would break loose if she hit the enter button now. She swallowed. How much time would she have to escape before the whole place blowed up? _Well, there’s only one way to find out, isn’t it?_ A deafening alarm echoed through the whole vessel as Kathryn smashed the button. She ran. _Fifteen seconds? Holy shit!!_ She jumped down a bridge which led up to the vessel and ran out under the broken decontamination bows, slammed the door open, and ran away from a very angry Grand Zealot. Richter shot every gamma round he had into Kathryn’s direction. She kept running and running until an earthquake-like rumbling of the ground let her stagger. She turned around panting, a giant cloud of dust rose where once the Nucleus stood. Even its surroundings were shattered to pieces, splinters of glass covered the ground, fluorescent liquid laid in puddles, but there was no sight of Richter’s corpse. The detonation was so strong that everything and everyone in the direct range of the Nucleus was vaporized. Kathryn tried to walk back a few steps, her Geiger counter warning her about the radiation that now spread around her. Did she even want to go back to Acadia? Kathryn only stood there, listening to the crackling of her Pip Boy, her head in her hands. _What have I done..?_ she asked herself. Did she really kill ‘innocents’ just because the Brotherhood ordered her to do so? Will she go and tell them about the Synth Refuge and with that, kill them too? Nausea overcame her, and while she still panted like she ran a marathon Kathryn began to dry retch first until she vomited out a whole puddle. She knew that she had no other choice. And so she slowly began to walk back to the town of Far Harbor to get away from that damn island.  
  
___  
  
Being back in the Commonwealth made her feel more at ease. Here she knew the dangers that lurked behind the corners every now and then. The sun was shining and it was a bright and clear day, not like the dark and gray sky of the island of Far Harbor. It was in fact too bright for Kathryn and she needed to put on some sunglasses. Her first way led her to Cambridge. She wanted to know if Haylen was alright and if Rhys finally got the stick out of his damn ass. When Kathryn walked into the police station she was greeted by a few new faces, but most of all she was greeted with the warmest hug she ever got. Scribe Haylen had a smile plastered on her face. “Well, hello there.”, she said “What gives us the pleasure of your appearance?”, the scribe asked with a twinkle in her eyes. Kathryn hugged her back. It was good being home again. Finally the dread she felt rise subsided and she took a deep relaxing breath. “Can I crash here for a few hours?”, asked the now very tired knight. Haylen nodded and they both sat down at a table. The scribe asked her a few questions which she tried to answer as best as her tired mind was able to. After another question, Kathryn yawned instead of giving Haylen an answer. “Alright, guess I’ll shut up now”, chuckled Haylen “you really need your beauty sleep.” Kathryn chuckled too. “Thanks, Haylen.” They hugged again and Kathryn went to the sleeping area of the police station. She took the nearest bed, laid down, and fell asleep immediately. It took her a whole month to go to that damn island, wipe out the Children of Atom, and come back again. And most of the time she was traveling, which was exhausting enough by itself. Her mind wandered to dark places often enough. And without a companion, Kathryn began to walk down a dark path. Only Danse knew about her psychopathic behavior, though he didn’t know exactly _what_ the trigger was for it. Only Kathryn knew that the bloodbath at Nuka World triggered her dark side.  
  
A dreamless sleep. Comfortable silence. Warmth. It was everything someone could wish for... even Kathryn wished for it. A post-war dream, she thought while she woke up to the rustling of her fellow brothers and sisters. The watch on her Pip Boy said that she slept for eighteen hours. Yawning she stood up and walked to the women’s bathroom, a mirror hanging on a wall above a working sink. The face that looked at her sent chills down her spine. _This is how I look like?_ She asked herself. Deep dark shadows laid underneath her eyes, now blood shoot and puffy. Her hair was a tangled mess. Her skin was pale and her all-around glow was missing. She huffed while thinking about having a much-needed shower. Gladly even the warm water was up and running. She really needed to thank Haylen for that. Kathryn bet her ass that she was the only one making this place as livable as possible. After the shower Kathryn put on a new jumpsuit and fetched her belongings, it was already time to go again. Haylen wished that the knight stayed a bit longer, but she said she wanted to make her way down to the airport. The scribe asked if she should call for a vertibird, but Kathryn declined. “No thank you Haylen, let’s not waste resources just because of me.” The scribe shrugged but agreed. Rhys gladly wasn’t there the whole time, it was said he was on a mission. Kathryn almost couldn’t believe it. That lazy bastard finally moved his ass out of the station? The knight almost fainted at the thought before she broke out in laughter. “Should we inform Paladin Danse of your return?”, Haylen then asked. Kathryn shook her head while she tried to calm down. “No, that is definitely not necessary.” Again the scribe shrugged but agreed. She knew how close both were and thought maybe Kathryn wanted to surprise the paladin. So they hugged goodbye and the knight went on her way southeast to the Boston Airport.  
  
___  
  
It was quiet, too quiet, as MacCready would have stated it. But he wasn’t wrong with that statement. Since the Brotherhood was in the Commonwealth the streets were more secure. Raiders, mirelurks, feral ghouls, synths, and super mutants, all dead by the hand of a Brotherhood soldier. Kathryn felt pride for her brothers and sisters. Even Boston Common was quiet, the giant Supermutant Behemoth Swan was dead. Kathryn remembered the encounter all too well. He _did_ slam her including her power armor into the pavilion across the little ponds where people were paddling with small swan boats across the water post-war. Danse was pissed as hell at the mutant and killed it with a full load of three hundred fusion cells to the face in minutes. Kathryn never saw him shoot that fast again. Or that angry, besides... she wanted to forget that. The airport finally came into view, a few feral ghouls found their way into Kathryn’s line of sight. She grabbed her blade and killed one feral after another, only to overlook one that leaped at her from behind. She just had enough time to turn around as the ghoul lashed out and hit her in the face. Kathryn screamed and she felt how the skin was torn apart. Hot blood trickled down her forehead, her nose, and cheeks. But she didn’t have time to wipe it away. The ghoul already was back at its feet, snarling at her. Kathryn snarled just as much as the ghoul and charged forward. Her blade found its destination, pushed from the ghouls chin up into its rotting skull. A last gurgle from its throat and the ghoul fell down to the ground. Kathryn looked up, the Prydwen looming above her; she was home. Only a short way to walk and she could finally board the flying vessel again. The blood still trickled from her face, and her jumpsuit was now a red and orange mess. The gates of the airport also came into view now and Kathryn dragged herself into the tarmac. The soldiers around her greeted her just as always, but none of them dared to leave their posts and help her get to the vertibird platform.  
  
The sickbay was an old friend of Kathryn; she had spent a lot of time here already. Cade wouldn’t be pleased if she came by again. But by looking at her tattered face he just sighed and took her in. She sat down on a gurney while the doctor went to grab some antiseptic and cloth to clean her face. She hissed although Cade tried to be as gentle as possible. Of course, he asked the knight if he should give her some Med-X to reduce the pain, but Kathryn declined. She knew that he had to suture her and she laid down and let the doctor do what he needed to do, without even the smallest wince. For Kathryn, it was refreshing that someone else put her in pain and not herself. She still didn’t have that self-harming behavior under control. If she was honest she _didn’t want to_ have it under control. And it cleared her head from the dark thoughts she carried with her. After Cade finished to patch her up, he gave a final once over and nodded his agreement. “I want to see you tomorrow so I can clean your face again.”, he said before Kathryn left the sickbay. She only nodded and left without another word. She was hungry and went to the mess to grab some food. With enough luck, she wouldn’t have to meet Danse just yet. And luck was with her. Not even a single soldier was around. She ate in silence and then went to her bed. It was late and she was tired.  
  
___  
  
“Did she tell you that she eliminated the Children of Atom at Far Harbor?”  
“No. Wait what... she’s here?”  
“Yes, didn’t she meet up with you?”  
  
Paladin Danse sat at the table in the elder’s private quarters, a bottle of purified water in hand, and sighed while he shook his head. Why didn’t she come to him? He wanted to see her. A month. She was away for a whole fucking month and she didn’t come to him?  
  
“Maybe she was just too tired.”, the elder said to him.  
“It was a long journey she undertook. In the aftermath, I think I should have sent you with her.”  
  
Danse looked up at this, facing his friend with a confused look in his eyes, trying to read what was written in the elders.  
  
“What do you mean with that?”, the paladin asked.  
“She came back with a tattered face, said she got attacked by feral ghouls just before she walked into the airport. I’ve talked to her, even told her to meet up with you.”  
  
Both men sighed. Something must have happened to her. Danse knew that wasn’t typical for Kathryn to avoid him. Sorrow rose in his chest, just as he rose from his chair.  
  
“I need to find her, Arthur. Do you know where she could be?”  
  
the young man shook his head.  
  
“Alright... Thank you for informing me, Arthur.”  
  
And Danse was gone. The young leader looked after him, concern edging in his eyes. Arthur Maxson knew all too well what a troubled mind could cause. The mental health of his soldiers was always very important to him. While the elder got lost in his thoughts Paladin Danse was on his search for a specific knight. He looked just everywhere inside the Prydwen, also at the forecastle and the small storage room at the flight deck, but Kathryn was not seen. He even asked his fellow brothers and sister if they might have seen her. And finally, someone was able to tell him that she had used the vertibird down to the airport. One nod at the lancer was enough and seconds later he stood on solid ground. Kathryn could have gone anywhere, and Danse sighed as he counted the possibilities in his head. At least the day was still young and he checked every corner she might hide in, patrolled the shoreline until he came to the old ruins of the airport. Danse shuddered at the memory of a frightened Kathryn, cowering in that moldy, rotten smelling place and he hoped she wouldn’t be there again. He opened the elevator and stepped inside. The doors closed and a few seconds later the elevator dinged and opened again. Nothing had changed since he last was down here. He sighed. At least she wasn’t there, which would have weighed a lot on him.  
  
Back at the surface, he inhaled the salty air. An all too well-known smell caught in his nose, someone was smoking. He followed the trail of the smell and finally found himself at the ruins of one of the airplanes. Kathryn sat there, cigarette in hand and staring into the nothingness. He slowly walked over to her, he didn’t want to startle her. “Do you think it was right what I have done?” The question startled him. He blinked. “What do you mean?”, he then asked in return. Another drag from the cigarette. “I killed innocent people.” It was now that Danse saw how she was shaking. “Are you cold?” She shook her head and took a final drag from her cigarette before she threw it away. Kathryn turned around slowly. Tears streamed down her face. She looked terrible. Not only because of the sutures but her eyes. Haunted. _She must have seen terrible things_ , Danse thought. “Kathryn...” He wanted to close the distance between the two of them, pulling her into a gentle embrace but she only shook her head. “Danse, those people weren’t a threat. I killed innocent people!” Her whole body shook with every sob and she hugged herself. “Why did I do that?”, she asked into the silence. She stared at him with such an intensity that he had to look away. “I can tell you why Danse. Because the Brotherhood said so. Instead of trying to know them better, they want to destroy them. I know those people were Children of Atom. But they took me in. Hell, they even took care of me when I suffered from radiation sickness!” Kathryn’s knees buckled and she fell down. “I killed them. I killed people who helped me, who were nice and even kind.” This time she didn’t try to hold Danse at a distance. He crouched down next to her, a gentle hand resting on her shoulder. So that was what did trouble her. The whole moral thing around it. He knew how it felt to question the morality of the Brotherhood. He did it too when he had to kill his best friend. Nate once told him he just did what he was taught; he understood. And Danse wanted the same for Kathryn. To let her know he understood her, and that she needed to understand all the same. “Kathryn, you have to listen to me.”, he said in a hushed voice. “It’s okay to feel that way. Remember that I was the same when I had to kill Cutler...” He sighed. It still pained him to talk about it, but it was necessary. The hand he put on her shoulder now gently rubbed her arm. “It isn’t always easy. But it will get better, trust me.” Kathryn looked up into his eyes. Understanding laid in them and it calmed her. It still took a while until she was able to walk again and even gain her composure but somehow she managed it. A final sniff escaped her and she nodded.  
  
She hugged him. “I missed you so much.”, she told him. He returned the gesture and hugged her back. “I missed you too.” After a long while, Kathryn let go of Danse and took a deep breath. “It’s time that I go to Maxson. I’ve got something important to tell him.” The paladin looked at the knight and both began to walk back to the vertibird landing pad.  
  
“Elder Maxson? Lancer-Captain Kells?”, Kathryn said to show her presence.  
“Proceed, Knight.”  
“While on my mission at Far Harbor I discovered a synth refuge called ‘Acadia’.”  
“You are doing well in telling the Brotherhood about it.”  
“Thank you Elder, it weighed heavy on my shoulders.”  
  
Kathryn sighed. While Kells dismissed himself, Maxson gave her a look that said _‘I know how you’re feeling.’_ and nodded at her. He wasn’t a man of smiles, but Kathryn understood. She knew how dangerous synth could be. And it was the right decision to eliminate them as well. _The people of Far Harbor must be protected._ At least that’s what she tried to tell herself.  
  
“Am I doing the right thing?”, she asked into the round between her, Danse, and Maxson.  
“Of course you do. I have to say it again. You do the Brotherhood a great service by telling us.”, said the elder.  
“I know you want to hear something else right now, but it really is the best you can do.”, Danse interjected. Kathryn looked at both men. She really tried to understand that they were right.  
“I want to leave.”, she suddenly said.  
“What?”, both men asked in shock.  
“I only need time for myself. Please, let me go.”  
  
Arthur huffed and put his weight from one leg to the other. Danse only sighed and looked at her with pleading eyes. “Alright.”, said Maxson “But you need to come back before we eliminate those abominations.” Kathryn nodded and without the change of more words she left. “Danse, follow her. I think she needs some company.”  
  
___  
  
Kathryn knew that someone followed her. She knew all too well _who_ followed her. The blade in her hand spun nervously as she tried to get away from him. She needed to do it right now. The urge was never that strong so far, until now. But there was no place on this god damn airship where she was alone. _Fuck it!_ She thought and while trying to get away from him she began to cut thin lines into her skin. A sigh escaped her and she smiled. The blade went back into its holster with a swift move Kathryn’s hand. He was calling for her now, asking her to stop. Even she was surprised when her feet stopped to move. How did he do this? “Yes, Paladin?”, Kathryn answered rule conform. “Follow me.” Of course, he led them to his quarters. He closed the door after she stepped inside and before she was able to turn around she was held in a tight embrace. “Why are you hugging me?”, demanded Kathryn. “don’t think that I’m blind to the face that you cut yourself again _Right. Before. My. Eyes_!” Her eyes widened in shock. “You saw that?” The paladin nodded. “Shit, you old man have eyes like a hawk.” Both chuckled and the tense moment was gone. “You know that we have to prepare before we go to Far Harbor?” With those words, he loosened the embrace and she finally turned around. Her eyes were brimming, just like at the wreck down at the beach. “I don’t know if I want to come with you.”, she then said. Danse caressed her head, gently rubbing his thumbs over her cheeks where no sutures were made. Her skin was still a bit tender, but she leaned into his touch all the same. “Oh, Kathryn... What did they do to you?” His eyes were seeking hers. “Nothing, Danse. And that is most likely the problem. If they’d left me to die I would say they deserved their deaths. But they were kind, treated me well, and cured my radiation sickness! I know there’s a lot of fanatics in their ranks, but not a single person tried to kill me once I was inside their home.” Danse considered her words. She saw the humans underneath their irradiated minds, actual breathing, living beings and he knew what she wanted to tell him. “But what about those synths, Kathryn? Why are you concerned about their well being?” _Yes, why?_ She didn’t have an answer to that, but she needed to tell something anyway. “It may be that I’m a synth too. I talked with that synth, DiMA, and it asked me questions about my past. I can’t remember much. Only that my existence was one of pain before I met the Brotherhood. I can’t remember if I ever had friends or even a family...” Her words struck deep inside him. He swallowed but kept looking at her. Kathryn’s eyes flicked between his. Tears streamed down her face. “Danse-” “I know what you feel.” It was true. He grew up as an orphan, with no memories of parents or siblings. He lived a life of loneliness and fear until that faithful day when he met Cutler. His heart ached. “Come here.”, he whispered and held Kathryn flush against his chest. “This is exactly the reason why they need to be destroyed. Don’t let it get to you any longer. You are human, just as I am.” She melted into his embrace. Of course, he was right. A past like hers was better left forgotten. “You’re right.”, she suddenly said, muffled through the fabric that covered her mouth while her head was burrowed in his chest. Kathryn looked up at Danse, simply kissed him on the cheek, and said ‘Thank you’, then she went out of the room and left a baffled paladin behind.  
  
___  
  
Back at Far Harbor Kathryn was leading the attack against Acadia. Danse and a Knight-Captain called Larsen were at her side, bringing order and discipline into the group of knights. Their meeting point was _Rock Point Camp_ , a destroyed post-war campsite in the west of the island. The march from the campsite to Acadia was quiet. No one spoke, only if it was necessary. The synths outside of Acadia didn’t stand a chance against the force of the power-armored soldiers. Inside of the refuge, it looked a little different. The soldiers had to clear every floor of the synths. Kathryn’s gaze crossed with DiMA’s, a betrayed look on his face. The knight only shook her head and Danse shot the synth in the head. Floor after floor fell and soon the Brotherhood’s mission was a full success. Kathryn was just a bystander most of the time. She was too paralyzed to shoot at any of the people and covered behind the bulk of Danse’s power armor. The others didn’t notice the absence of her firing her rifle, they were too engrossed in killing everyone in Acadia. Only Danse noticed that she didn’t take action in this. Secretly he was thankful for it. At least she didn’t have the ‘blood’ of those synths on her hands. The team checked every floor twice until after half an hour they met again, outside of the refuge. That was when Knight-Captain Larsen told Kathryn and Danse that they were ordered to stay and make Acadia to a Brotherhood outpost. It was evident that heir presence wasn’t needed anymore and they took the vertibird home.  
  
Kathryn’s mind was troubled. She knew it was for the greater good, but it began to collide with her morals. Of course, it was different to kill the raiders in Nuka World. They _wanted_ to overrule the Commonwealth and therefore were a tremendous threat. But those synths... They wanted to live in peace. There was no harm to be feared. But now they laid dead, killed by humans in metal casings, making them look like walking tanks. Were they any different from those they just had killed? By pretending to be robots with all that metal around them? Kathryn sighed and blinked away her tears. A reassuring hand found its way on her shoulder. She didn’t need to look up into Danse’s face. She knew that he wasn’t pleased at all. In his mind, she should feel proud. She saved those people of the island and prevented a war, and who knew how it would have ended? And the Children of Atom? Well, in Danse’s eyes they were all irradiated zealot psychopaths and deserved to die. Synths were abominations, a cruel joke against nature and humanity. Elder Maxson would be proud if he heard about their successful mission. But Kathryn?  
  
Danse was worried about her. Her wellbeing was important to him. He was afraid that she might leave the Brotherhood one day... He didn’t know if he could follow her, or stay and follow his calling. It was complicated. There was more then the eye could ever see.


End file.
